Rumination 19 February 2023

Hey two entries in a month. Alright I dont think it was very wise to write about the negativity in my life. I have Taylor Swift’s The Great War playing in the background and its getting a bit too hard to write. But its really pleasant. Anyway, today is a pretty decent day to write about your plans about your career if you’re into astrology. Moon and Mercury are conjunct in Capricorn. The Moon is in Sravana, the Nakshatra of listening. Of course I’d have to see the rest of your chart to know how this transit would impact your life, but hey its also a MahaShivratri. So yeah I would recommend that you not sleep tonight. Ohh yeah, I forgot to express my love for you beloved reader. Maybe ill say a few words about why I feel this way about you. You happened to have somehow gone down the rabbit hole far enough in a site filled with people posting tech blogs and N=1 psychological and life advice from random life coaches onto my blog. For the algorithm to have recommended my work to you must mean we are incredibly compatible in some way.

Alright the subject I had resolved to write about tonight was to reflect over my last five years at college. Or let me put it in another way. How would 18 year old Rachit react if he knew what Rachit had been through in the last 4 and a half years. I will make another slight modification. For the remainder of this post I will be addressing my younger self in second person and will try to have a conversation with him. Also I couldn’t care enough to follow the traditional dialogued form of writing, you are going to have to make do with me writing in paragraphs.

Hey there Rachit, I am you from 4 and a half years in the future. Is there something you want to talk to me about ? Hmm interesting. Have you graduated from college ? Nope not yet, you stayed back a year to get a master’s degree. Hmm interesting. Why though ? You want to get a PhD that’s why. Wait really ? But why ? Ohh its complicated. Alright I will tell you a few things anyway. There are a few things you are depressed about right now, they couldn’t matter less. You are going to take care of your body for an year and a half, and look reasonably good. You will move out of your old home and into a new one. You will lose weight approach leanness for the first two years atleast. It won’t be that way for all four years though. You will move to a nearly 95 percent vegetarian diet. You will gradually begin to eat non vegetarian meals only once every month or two. That will significantly help your depression. You will manage to maintain an exercise routine for an year and a half and even make decent friends for a while .

You were extremely anti social in school and only spoke to teachers for entertainment. You will gradually decide to branch out in college and talk to people from various backgrounds. You will learn a lot about people and friendships and psychology. You will have an actual real life understanding of people. You will take part in your first internship and will attain an understanding of how corporate structures work and feel repulsed by it. You will go on to take on another internship and feel an even deeper repulsion to it. You will even try your hand at politics but fail. Miserably.

Or okay I will discuss some of the more negative parts of my experience here. The person you feel deeply in love with when you were 18 will block you and you wont be able to talk to them. Well to this day I haven’t heard from them. Damn that’s rough dude. But hey you managed to successfully publish two research papers. Hmm that’s kinda cool. Also you will contract COVID, be unable to breathe be on the verge of dying and experience continuous and intense pangs of conscience because you are afraid your paternal grandfather would suffer. You manage to successfully lead a game development project while you were recovering from COVID though. Also COVID really fucked with your back and so you had to give up a certain practice that you had spent 2 and a half years practicing. Oof that’s hard. But hey you develop a deep longing to explore occult, you manage to successfully aid the production of the college magazine for two years in a row. Hmm, that’s pretty nice. Alright college looks kinda cool for now, say some more albeit it does have its down sides. Ohh by the way you also lose your progress from the first year and a half of exercising and in fact experience a huge negative spiral.

Tbh there’s more I want to say but I am kinda trying to protect the privacy of some people. I don’t want to inadvertently give away information about people who don’t want to be included here. If I was to discuss the negative in more detail I would most likely say something about someone who doesn’t want to be talked about.

Alright there is a lot that happened to you that you did not like. You also experience more than a year and a half of confusion about which area of Computer Science you want to go into. You will feel constantly intimidated by the behemoths of intelligence around you. But you will grow through all of these experiences. You are struggling trying to understand why you have to tolerate this insane suffering but at around your 21st birthday all the dots gradually begin to connect and you come to an understanding of why you took birth. Today you have the clarity to attain at the very least a surface level understanding of how the rest of your life will proceed and how you will respond to it. And this is your greatest achievement in the last four years of being alive. No other achievement even comes close. You also begin to gain the ability to size people up for who they are and be able to see into their futures. You are laughing right now, but the practices you did for the first two and a half years of college haven’t gone in vain. You will benefit from them for the rest of your life. You have also begun to think for the wellbeing of humanity as a whole and are beginning to orient your interests in that direction.

Alright here is some advice for you. You are incredibly confused right now. I will not give you all the answers. You must suffer through it to understand how to structure your life. But something you should have begun doing regardless of your confusion and your angst is in fact learning how to manage your time. You should have spent the last 4 years maintaining a good sleep schedule, exercising, learning about nutrition and taking care of your hair. Two of your friends point out to you that your hairline is beginning to recede. You don’t take it seriously. You find out three years later, that your hairline at your temples have become problematic. Take all the necessary supplements. You should have taken your steroids and done your breathing exercises regularly. Today you regularly take B12 and B7 supplements, use minoxidil, a redenser serum, a shampoo branded by anaboom, navratna oil and even rosemary oil. You still don’t have a deep understanding of your body, but I hope two years down the line you will. Goodbye for now. I will talk to you in some more detail when we are off medium.

I wonder what 28 year old Rachit will have to say to me. I hope I make good decisions until then.